Salvo 2010

Like what my 2009 predictions has told me and the rest of the world, well, it has been a pretty crazy year for everyone. So many changes and so many tragedies happened this year that everyone including my very self came to their own sort of “realization”… that happiness depends on how you mean it to be.

What I just have wanted for the ending year 2009 was to have a wonderful time having fun… and so I did. At the start of this year, I spent a life-changing rendezvous in the island of Boracay. Partying every night and going-out, surely I did enjoy it. I then accepted myself for who I really am. Knowing what I wanted in my life apart from the things I wanted to do for fun made me more outgoing and free. I still can’t believe until now that taking-out all of my inhibitions and refraining from hiding what was the real me will make it easy for me to be happier and open-minded. As far as happiness is concerned, I am happy for what happened to me this 2009… not regretting the things that I’ve done. ^_^

And I even thought of this year was the BIG 2009… so it did! My enthusiasm brought me to different places and so as many achievements. Coming face-to-face with some notable icons of the world and having the chance to serve them a good plate will be considered as one of my golden memories being a Chef. Being able to share myself, and actually gave myself to a place will be unforgettable too. Working on such kind of establishment was one in a million--my first on giving everything and then nothing will happen. I want to take it in a good perspective that my latest stint was a big mark on my career but I always see myself disappointed not to what I’ve done but to whom I did it for. But well, I don’t want to carry it on by the next year… Yet, all in all, it has been an exciting ride for my Culinary Faire!!!

2009 was a true roller coaster ride--a thriller for a lifetime. I definitely will not forget all of the relationships I had this year. Filled with so many ups and downs then sprinkled with a lot of dramas and excuses, what I wanted until the end of this year will be the same… more hook-ups with those steamy nights with what I consider someone “hot”. I just realized one thing after all of these… that there’s nothing wrong playing around and collecting all of the cards that you could then try to pick your favorite out of your choices. Unluckily, I am not able to choose the right person for me. I still consider it a long shot for me.

I am really shocked about my interpersonal skills this 2009, a record-breaker. I haven’t thought it that I could earn so many friends within a year. And I am really happy about it. Finding new ties with strangers is a hard task. But unluckily and sadly to say, I believe that you cannot add more water on a spilling cup… so therefore, I will run-through my list of who I consider my friends from the people who just became an “acquaintance”. I know you love me!!! ^_^

As of my achievements personally and professionally, what I consider the biggest step I made for this year 2009 was making myself as someone who will support my family. I had a hard time deciding what to do with this issue but it wasn’t that hard actually, it depends on how I accepted the fact that I should still sacrifice for the sake of my family. Anyways, I get my own share… I could have fun the way I wanted it without getting scolded or being grounded. And it is really a fulfilling success that I made and support such decisions for my parents and of course with my siblings. It was just so immature of me deciding to take a December vacation not knowing after I leave my latest job, the lives of who depends on me will still go on… and I did not expected it—which I am sorry about. And now I believe that great powers means a lot of responsibilities. But I contemplate, “I am not Superman nor Spiderman.”

All swell that ends well. This year will be remembered forever. I always have problems with dates and numbers but surely 2009 won’t be missed-out. Good things will be carry-on by next year… definitely bad vibes will be left out buried in the past. What happened this year will stay behind and I won’t allow any force that will bring it with me this 2010. But I will miss a lot of things from 2009.

“I will be better.” This has been my life-long goal. Reaching every dream I have and plans that I wanted, there are just some things that holds me back from doing everything that will make my life as if it was the end. “Work hard and party harder!” That will be my motto for 2010. New Year’s resolution will come at handy just in case I will need a list of things I should do and not do. Changing myself will be debated first until I decided to do it. For me, looks are just superficial, what is important is how you are inside.  My plan is to have a healthier lifestyle for me and for my family. Personally and maybe if I will check my list of “to do”, this will be on top, I wanted ever since to put my love life on private--to myself alone, which is obviously not happening and will not happen ever… but I will still try to keep things between me and that person. I am planning for such a simple life so I could focus on some other important needs in life… but I think it’ll just be a big disappointment again… I am weak so why keep myself stressed, why not go SHOPPING??? But seriously, I will try not to spend on something less valuable and not so important… promise! ^_^ 


I had a lot of things going on now… and I am craving for more happenings by next year. If 2009 seems to be something BIG… then 2010 will be GIGANTIC. I wasn’t able to live my life to the fullest at 2009, I wish I will at 2010.

We will be entering another milestone… another year will be added to our ages… and what you think should be done but to move on from what has been your old life at 2009. Great things are just out there waiting to be found. If you can’t find a miracle… I will make one for you.

Enjoy and have more fun!!!

Happy New Year to everyone!!!

Salvo 2010!!! ^_^

           

Miracles Do Happen ^_^

Yes, miracles are just out there... waiting for us to believe that they really do happen. ^_^ And I am so happy that at last there was one sent to me that will really change my life... for the best. My life seems to be needing a lot of silence and peace of mind. Derailed and battered, crazy and ever-changing... that's how I could describe what my life is all about right now. I've been asking why am I always entering this door of fate for several times already... is it me the problem or I just wanted to grow and I just wished for a better life??? Feeling that there will be a dark cloud for tomorrow, not only for me but also to my family, I really get anxiety attacks every night keeping me from a good night sleep that I deserve. I always caught myself thinking of how to give my family a better life that they should be enjoying but I always ran-out of options and see myself helpless about it. And the last thing that I could do is to ask for help... to HIM... and then I get enlightened and been heard of... Thanks for listening and for a wonderful gift on its way to me... I won't sit around waiting for days just to unfold in front of me... I won't keep myself complacent that I am receiving or waiting for anything, I will think of other options that I might have but never been thought about. And of course, I wanted to be sure of my future, I won't just play and have fun... I will look for more choices to think about... Going oversees is my priority right now but what if fate played around me again like just what happened last year for Burj Al Arab right??? This time, I want to be secured... be safe... I won't think that I have no more choice but to get the first offer that will arrive, I will weigh things pretty clear and unbiased... I don't want to just jump over and get hurt when I landed to a uneven platform. I am dealing about my future, as well as my family's tomorrow... I am the only person right now that they are counting on. I can have my mistakes but I need to avoid doing it nowadays... My life right now is really pressuring... but I am fighting. I am strong, I know I can do it. Storms of life will come but they will surely go away too... I want to see my life and our life, as a family, that after a rain... there's a rainbow to enjoy to see.

Thank you for the wonderful gift... I will expect for it for sure. ^_^

Loveless... Crisis Core

LOVELESS
(Final Fantasy Crisis Core)

Prologue
When the war of the beasts brings about the world’s end
The goddess descends from the sky
Wings of light and dark spread afar
She guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting

Act I
Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess
We seek it thus, and take it to the sky
Ripples form on the water’s surface
The wandering soul knows no rest.

Act II
There is no hate, only joy
For you are beloved by the goddess
Hero of the dawn, Healer of worlds

Dreams of the morrow hath the shattered soul
Pride is lost
Wings stripped away, the end is nigh

Act III
My friend, do you fly away now?
To a world that abhors you and I?
All that awaits you is a somber morrow
No matter where the winds may blow

My friend, your desire
Is the bringer of life, the gift of the goddess

Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return.

Act IV
My friend, the fates are cruel
There are no dreams, no honor remains
The arrow has left the bow of the goddess

My soul, corrupted by vengeance
Hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey
In my own salvation
And your eternal slumber.

Legend shall speak
Of sacrifice at world’s end
The wind sails over the water’s surface
Quietly, but surely.

Act V
Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return
To become the dew that quenches the land
To spare the sands, the seas, the skies
I offer thee this silent sacrifice.

Finding out What My Future Says...

I opened my Friendster account just to check-out my horoscope for today and it's kind of suggesting not to do anything for this day, and definitely just for now, my priorities are a little bit hard to figure out... Well... it really bugs me off... it has been a week already since I'm having this weird "quarter-life crisis-ish" feeling again... But damn... I'm loosing focus and the will to go on this unlucky life...

Work. Fine. I'm getting paranoid and having my hidden/secret trust issue with someone from the restaurant and it really makes me loose my focus and urge of working further, farther, and more for them. I am not good at lying and, for the fact that I could read people's mind, makes it harder for me to handle dishonesty. Sometimes I just wanted to freak-out, shout whatever I am reading from them/him, and do something that is very not me. But it's not so me causing any scene from something pathetic. I can't get enough professional advise from my professional friends because everyone seems to be very busy I don't know why, but for now I am considering myself getting a little paranoid until I get to talk to someone with a clearer mind than mine and grasp whatever they have to say. Yet. As always, I wanted security. I am planning to move-out again. Start somewhere else. And re-create my professional world. I'm rushing on too much things now not thinking it is not so proportional to my age... I am only 21 and young but I am doing responsibilities of a 30 years old manager. Well, looking it positively, it is very nice but come to think of it, people will have a hard time absorbing the truth that I am on that position. Sometimes, I find them confused saying "He's only 21??? And he looks younger for his age and his job title!"

Friends. OKAY!!! I know everyone including myself is very busy with their own personal lives. But why do you think Friday and Saturday night gimmicks are made for??? Come on guys, give yourself a break!!! If money is the only restraint for having a wonderful bonding time with the BERKS, well, don't worry I'll be going to figure out a way or something. Let us not stop having good times with each other just because we are out of our last cents to spend. Let us not waste our youth working like crazy or studying on and on, time for our youth is running out. And don't give me the reason you are busy anymore. Studying or working professionally is not an excuse. I am a bit busier than anyone within the group but I am always be the one to put myself on doing invites for everyone to reply. But oh my God, no one is replying I don't know why. Is it just because I transferred to another network??? Berks please... I miss everyone...

Family. This got to be long. Great. We'll I felt somewhat nagged... but what is the irony of it, I am treated as a Prince at home. But I can't spell out this feeling. Right now, I am working my ass out too hard, that I get sick every two weeks time, not for me but for them, my family. I know it is a very good thing to do and it is one of my responsibilities now. The things is, I'm a little stressed out now... and tired. I've been doing a hard life and sacrificing too much for this family even before and I am forgetting the fact that I have my own life too and soon, or maybe one day, I am really going on my own way. Just me. My savings are getting emptied for the bills and some other stuff but I planned to use it to buy myself my own place. I craved on too much things but I doubt on having those things because I am somewhat obliged to allocate the whole portion of my earnings for them.Oh crap, I feel I am a bad guy... Maybe this is just a thing called "stress". Damn it, I am so young to be stressed out with these ridiculous problems. I've been dealing with these ever since I was a child but for God sake... until now, I am having arguments of having unlucky life... well... technically, unlucky financial life. I'm giving myself two more months to recover and establish again a firm lifestyle, just like before. Let us see what's going to happen...

Personal.Ultimate. Just going to make it short. I hate the dating scene!!! I am not a PRO but definitely I am not a newbie here. I really hate having this casual dating... I wanted to "exclusively" date someone rather than flirting with everyone I met and liked. I'm getting confused and one night I came to an idea to stop doing this funny thing and be single for a year. Well, it is not a very big issue to me being single, to relax, and to enjoy singleness for a year... But it is always been my priority for me to be loved... because I loved to be in-loved and be cherished and be taken care of someone who loves me. Okay. I want to make it easy and stress-free since it is the only outlet in my life that doesn't require materialism, just being myself. And I think I'll just wait what's going to happen... I also hate prejudices.

Oh well, I think it is going to be a long road to take starting from today. But it is always like that, full of twist and turns and ups and downs. What I am thankful for is that I am always able to manage it right... even for sometimes that it is too late. And I think I just need a little more inspiration to have a determination to go on. I can't give up now and I am not planning to.

A Better Stake!!!

Status??? Still single and very available. Life and Love, to me and on my perspective, keeps on going unbalanced.

I've been formally single since the day I was back from Boracay. And I thought that love will be back on its rightful track when I come back home. For which I knew it wasn't. It grew worse than I expected it and nothing happened that seems to be good for me. It became unhealthy for me to keep the relationship, and even love itself, so I decided to take it out from my system before it become serious and change my life again. I don't afford to be that person again... and I am not planning to be one again.

What can I do??? Move on, of course... there's no other way for me. So here I am now... enjoying the single status as always. Well... it's been a roller coaster ride every time I fell in love but all of it were all good experiences not considering some changed me a lot. Now... better to be single than not to be happy in a relationship... and I am not planning to look for a replacement as soon as possible... I am taking a break from it all... but I am planning to take on new things... to experience a different kind of lifestyle... Well... I am really bored with my life right now and I think it is time to try on new challenges and craziness life has to offer me.

Enjoying my free time... more with myself and alone. But I am always asking the Berks to meet up and catch up with the things we were missing to each other. I am really grateful of having this set of friends. Even though I am not so open with them emotionally, at least I am giving hint on my status and what state of consciousness I am right now. And here is one person I wanted to be my best friend... but lately I realized that I cannot make someone my bff if that person doesn't appreciate my efforts. Well... I can only say that... there are still other people who are far more interesting to be my bff and it is not yet the end of the world so I have so much time to look for one to be. If you don't like then might as well say it so I'm not wasting my damnest time sending you messages and trying to catch up things with us. If you aren't capable of being a bff... let's be enemies forever of our fucking lives!!! Hehehe... peace bro!!!

A dream keeps on bugging me for almost a month now... Well... it is addicting because it is Twilight Saga related... Why does Edward Cullen keeps on showing on my dreams??? I hoped it to be Bella Swan but why Edward... I'm getting confused!!! After writhing in pain and getting bed-ridden for days, I thought I was on my conversion to be a vampire. But for I knew that I only had influenza, I am really hooked with this "vampire" thing. Can't explain why I wanted to be one... maybe I am also afraid to get old... I want to stay twenty-one forever.Hehehe... well... maybe I definitely be missing the whole novel already... November 20 is still too far and waiting won't do any good... but I can't spell out myself these days. Why do I keep updated on these US series of dramas and shows... just like when I am hooked on Korean series last year and the other years... now, it is the dawn of US films and shows... great!!! I am really hard to spell-out!!! I am liking the Americans little by little. Crazy right???!!!

It is as simple as, "I wanted to be happier with this life of mine." Period. Having a better stake on my life means a greater risk taking but I am sure I'll get over things on no time. I am not focused in some sense but professionaly I am taking the right path. In other aspects of life, I am desoluted, but I am on the process of making things better. It is just like reorganizing my bedroom... I wreck havoc on it first before I go on fixing things for the better...

More plans and new dreams to strive on. Future for me seems to be very blurry because I always tend to change my mind... more subjective sometimes and then more objective the other day... you really cannot tell and spell me out unless you focus to know me well... Even myself... damn... I have so many plans!!!

Assets...

"Can't wait for another five years for my future to unfold. This is it, the break I am waiting for... my chance to be over the top!!!"

For all the waiting... interviews and meetings... for all the hopes and prayers by everyone, I am now starting to really create a professional person inside myself. And to tell you the truth... it is some kind of surprising to me each day that comes. A little bit awkward and confusing at first because it would be my first time to handle an establishment with all of myself to depend on. Just the owners to be my guide... this is going to be my make or break!!!

The first few days at work were just the normal scene from all the previous jobs I had. Food tasting... Menu conceptualization and proposals... Marketing strategies... and still... so much responsibilities to take in charge of. I am really getting a lot and learning so much from this job. I am having fun though I am getting sick so easily due to our "ever-unpredictable" weather and all the stress and hazards my job includes. But as far as my happiness and career will be considered, I am really making a huge mark on my own history.

By the way, I am now the Head Chef of Muruve Wine Cellar and Bistro in Ortigas Home Depot. And I am excited to tell everyone that we at Muruve are changing our menu to better serve our patrons. Aside from the menu renovations, there will be weekly special menu for the coming months.The plans really make me feel thrilled and challenged everyday. I am on full-boosters on creating new Spansih dishes-tapas and main courses to focus on.

Professionaly speaking, I can say now that there is learning and progress that is happening on my career. But what I am just sad about is that I really cannot balance-out my life in the perfectly weighed idea I have in my mind. I wanted to live a life like those of the professionals I see on newspapers and television shows. Not the glamour and the shine of a star but the stability and security, and maybe power and control. Not so much wealth and prestige but just only recognition and enough assets to tell myself and show everyone that I am reaching a higher stake for my life.

But there are a lot of "enough and right" time for every plans and wants that I have right now. I just turned twenty-one and I am still very young. I don't want to rush up anymore to everything so I won't regret of making nuissance mistakes. And for the time being, I'll just focus on making myself on my chosen professional world to be one who is setting trends. With that, I will make Muruve to be the best destination for Spanish cuisine.

My greatest asset right now is myself!!!

Scared of my dreams...

Twenty-One and Young


It was my birthday yesterday,
it passed so quickly.
It was a special day,
everyone celebrated.
It was a good day,
I felt so happy that day.
But the night before the day,
I came to see myself on my dreams...
walking as an old man.
I don't like to picture it out,
the person is weak and slow.
I don't want to think of it,
I am getting scared by just thinking.
But what if it is true,
Time flies so quickly... can I avoid it???
It was my birthday the other day,
And I was one year older after.
Don't like to see the breaking dawn alone...
Neither watch a full moon on just a pair of eyes...
Breathing air lifelessly is too much...
Running on the hills will be fun...
I just can't keep it aside, I'm getting curios.
What will be there in my future???
Will there be someone else or just me alone???
Will there be an old man,
Whose skin sags and dry???
Will there be just one man,
Loveless and alone???
Will there be me,
Forever walking without you???
I just celebrated my birthday the other...
I am now twenty-one.
Forever of never ending is still so far,
but I got older the other day...
But hey...
Why am I so anxious of it...
I am happy...
I am twenty-one and young...
Still young!!!

Returned in Solitude...

This is Home (by Switchfoot)

I've got my memories
They're always
Inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I believe now
I've seen too much
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place
I've never known

This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back
Back to how it was
And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone

And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I'm gonna call it home

Now I know
Yeah, this is home

I've come too far
Now I won't go back
This is home.

"The best part has not yet begun... right now, all good things come in my life."

Happiness has joined me when I came back from my Boracay sojourn. I emptied my shattered, deprived, and stressed heart before I left my unit at Kamalig. I've worn the nicest attitude before I landed back in Manila and greeted "home" with the warmest smile. It feels so good to be back home... and it really feels so very very nice to feel that I belong. Include the fact that you know that you find you life back...

"Hope" and "Prayer" aren't just plain words... they are created for us to be positive in life... to hope and all that. And I am really thankful that when the time I prayed and hoped... there He was listening... and thanks to those people who help me to have my life back and bring it where it really belongs... And what makes it better is that my life now seems to be perfect... just like walking on a straight line. After all what happened in the island, I never thought that I could still feel this kind of happiness. I wake up each morning with an energized feeling... so warm... so good. I could wear a smile as much as I could without any pretentions. I see the worth, a better worth, of everything in my life while I go to work everyday.

Career... the good news is, I get what I really wanted from my job right now. Operations and Management, as planned and as expected. I have flexible schedule. Respect is given to me by my staff unconditionally and professionally. The best of all, they appreciate everything I do for them and they let me feel that I am also important. Who cares for the brand if they cannot deliver well?! Who cares for a reputable company if the company itself can't fulfill its promise?! Who cares for stability if there are bad people who will always pull you down for their sake?! I don't care! Because I found a place where I can really soar... a place that I could work happily.

Family... hmmm... of course they are one of the reasons why I am so happy right now. My mother is back from Japan from her years of trying to find livelihood for us, well, to raise the family and all. And to see the old times like deja vu... I get teary-eyed everytime all of us dine for lunch or supper and to experience the old days when we were really a big very happy family... Now, we begin to get close to one another after a very long depression we had for years. And I am thankful that little by little, problems get fixed and curved lines straightens as days goes by.

Friends... well... I appreciate more my BERKS now. It is a good thing to know that each of us are taking good paths of our chosen professions. Many graduated and now pursuing a good start for their career... some still doing hard work for their studies. But all in all, I am pleased to know that we are growing up, and professionally speaking, we are improving. Can't wait for the next get together... we are planning to have a night out to dine,drink, and watch movie too. I miss you BERKS!!!

LOVE... I am happy to say that I am in-love. Yes, there are times I really get crazy about it but what can I do... for me, Love is a crazy thing. I went back to a person who I consider my soulmate... who I know needs me... who I am sure I am in-love with. No more taking back... I know she is my forever... I hope no "roller coaster ride" for the mean time because I am happy to experience the life I am having now... Sorry to tell you guys that no further insights about this part now, I don't want to prejudice the good thing I am having now.

All in all... I have returned to the place where I belong. A place where I see my life is... a place I feel at home. Yes, there will be worries and sudden change of events in my life... who cares now? I am home and I am safe. I am happy. Hold backs... Of Course! I am still afraid to feel down and negative. I wish this good cycle of my life continue to go on forever... as in forever in bliss and contentment. I hope no more major, life-changing happenings again... I hope I won't worry for the next day... I wish this happiness will go on.

See... this is a place where I belong... and I am HOME!

Life can't be perfect...

Life is just like sand and sea, though picture perfect, they cannot really be that beautiful. You cannot hold anyone of these on your palm and you really cannot stay on it for too long... Everyday, I always have a chance to see the sand and the sea... and I am getting sick of it... but that was the consequence... it is either you stay in Manila and see unholy scenes or stay somewhere else where you see nothing but odd things...

There are times in our life where we get frustrated of a never ending feeling of today and tomorrow were just like yesterday and the other day. And in my case, frustration on the peak and tiredness has reached the maximum limit... And after a day of rest, everything seems to restart and then repeat again. This makes it hard for me to decide if shall I be going or not... Add to it the factors that makes you wither faster: inconsiderate people, if you are being paid enough though you work like a cow, your hyperactive boss, the expectation of insecure people, your back-stabbing "frienemies", and many more. How shall I manage these??? I am getting stressed too much... I am just a young boy who lived on a man's world... shall I go out and do my thing on a young boy's world again???

Why can't be my life be perfect like other people's life??? Why can't I just be happy of what is happening and be thankful for every opportunity that comes. Is it just a test??? Or I am not aware of what some people is planning for me - for my sake or maybe for their glory. This is what I am thinking right now... I'll still keep on working as hard and as best as possible. I am not expecting of any recognition but I am hoping that someone would appreciate the things I am doing.

Like the sand and sea... those aren't compact... no definite shape and size... life for me right now can't be perfect as long as I can figure out how to manage it well... like sand and sea, as long as I can figure out how to hold them together.

Like sand and sea... life right now and life later is different... even for a second.

The Purpose of Growing Up...

The biggest challenge in my life is happening right now...

After a month and more days of being away from home really makes my emotions down... and to tell you the truth, I really miss my life back in Manila. Above all of what I miss, I am craving to have it all back... or shall I say "Should I go back now???" This is the challenge, working far away from home and feeling very home-sick.

"Should I go or not?" was the question and was the only thing in my mind for the past several days... but after having a day-off from work and all the pressure, expectations, and problems of my professional career, it was a sudden that I thought of my purpose and reason why am I here in Boracay right now...

For the past month or maybe it were just on the past weeks, I felt like a candle that slowly melts down to death... a pail of water on a brink of spilling... an avalanche which awaits for someone's shout... Or maybe I am just tired for working more than fourteen hours a day on three weeks time without any decent rest nor day-off... and maybe because I am not that happy being away from home. Whatever reason it was... now I finally realize the thing that I should do.

That was November of 2008, I am really really frustrated of being jobless and restless of not being capable to help financially to my family... other than that, I can't have and I cannot do the things I wanted. And from that time on, I promised to myself that if I'll get a wonderful offer to a prestigious company, I will do whatever it takes and all my very best just to have a job... Here I am right now, March of 2009, already burnt-out of my work. What seems to be the problem or is there any problem at all...

Again... What was my purpose of accepting this job anyways???

Right... to help my family...

But why am I frustrated again??? Or maybe not??? Tired??? Maybe yes...

Growing up for me is not only getting old... For me, it is more than maturing and having more responsibilities and obligations. Growing up is also a change for which I acquaint different traits but not really having it on me. Not really on physical attributes, growing up for me is more on the abstracts... emotional, mental, and maybe social...

For the fact that I'm not getting young anymore, maybe I could have a little consideration for being unexperienced matured person... I am just twenty and turning twenty-one. Maybe I learned a lot from only some aspect of life but there are still empty rooms to fill-in. I need time... a lot of time to do it... and I am still on the stage where I should learn to know which are the important things that I should do and focus on keeping myself happy.

Growing up is compulsory... that is what I know...

Almost Over...

After all the sleepless nights and stressful days... all the waiting and disappointments... and everything that made every bit of my life hopeless... It seems that it is almost over...

I'm on it! Tomorrow's flight to Boracay! And truly, I am very very happy about it. It is just like having the exact expectation in front of you. What I visioned about from the past is now happening ahead of me. And for that, I can't really believe that it's happening.

But I'll going to miss so many things... family, friends, my old-life... everything that comprises me as a whole. I never got a nice chance to meet each of my friends for all of us were bus the whole day. And I just had enough time to pack my things and prepare to embark on my journey tomorrow. I will miss everyone... all of you guys... from my real friends and family to every acquainted person on my E-Life. But I promise to keep up and I will tr my very best to keep you posted on my life on Boracay. For me, nothing defies the power of Internet. Guys!!! OMG!!! I will miss everyone of you!!!

Well... I am really excited and I can't wait anymore... For the fact that it'll all be "first", it really thrills me a lot!

So... Hopes are always high... Wish me luck... and I need everyone's support for this new adventure of my life.

Bora!!! Here I come!!!

So Funny!!!

Hahaha it is so funny and too stupid of me!!!

Hehehe... this is why I am having weird feelings about what's going on lately...

Hahaha... maybe I got too excited of going to Boracay...

On my previous post, "I Hate Sa Farewells", I indicated that I will be leaving Sunday, January 19... hahaha I was so stupid of not checking the calendar... hahaha... I just noticed that I looked from the 2008 calendar... OMG... January 19, 2009 is a MONDAY!!! SO FUNNY!!!

I Hate Sad Farewells...

If I will be lucky enough... well... I will be leaving as soon and as early as Monday (January 19, 2009) for my new work destination... Boracay!!!

It is a really really great news for me and for everyone who knows me. I really wanted to travel and to give myself my own independence and my own life which is not preoccupied with mostly family matters...

But however the good news is, there are always sad farewells... and in my case, I'll just disappear from the scene... no farewells... no crying... no goodbyes... I really hate saying goodbyes...

Lately I am feeling so much lonely and very emotional for I am just counting hours before I leave my home... my life for almost 20 years... everything I have all my life... And then I'll embark on a journey alone and be a stranger to strangers. The saddest part is, I might not get a chance to see my very-missed friends... I've been doing all I could do contact each of them but it seems that every one of them are busy with their on lives... well... that makes me very sad... Yet, I do understand all of their reasons and I know how hard for them to manage their time and insert me into their schedules...

Anyways, and whatever happens, the journey will still start on the said date... and I can't do anything more about it... Now, I've been giving myself the most special time and taking preparations for this adventure of my life. This would be a real adventure... journey to a place I've never been, meeting the strangest people on the strangest situation... and maybe the most challenging part is, I'll get surrounded mostly by water. In fact, its not really a problem for I am a "water person", I am just having this queer feeling of being surrounded by water and having a limited space. Imagine it, a very huge island... isolated... and you hear the rushing of the waves all of the time... the sun is set so high, so bright, and scorching hot... wow... I hope I will survive being a cast-away.

But... as the time passes by and the clock eats up my remaining hours of being at home while the rest of my "used to" life changes every minute, I really can't help but to cry... thinking of what life will I have there and what will happen back here whilst I'm there... I thought before that I could live freely of worries about home when I get a chance to be away... now, I am starting to get home-sick already...

"I know, Bella. Believe me, I know. It's like you've taken half my self away with you."

-Edward Cullen (Twilight)

Hopes are high... I should not be too vulnerable like this for such things at being away from home... I should keep myself strong. I know they will be good even I'm not at home. There are always a first and in my case, I already had been away from home... I bet it has been a good practice for this time around. But I can't really ignore my worries at all... it is just like a mother worrying for her children when she goes to work and have the kids all by themselves at home... Well... wish me luck!!!

"Will of the Wind"

I spent half my life
Looking at the reasons things must change.
And half my life trying to make them stay the same.
But love would fade like summer into fall;
All that i could see was a mystery,
It made no sense at all.

The will of the wind, you feel it and then,
It will pass you blowing steady.
It comes and it goes, and god only knows,
You must keep your sails on ready.
So when it begins, get all that you can;
You must befriend the will of the wind.

I spent so many hours
Just thinkin' 'bout the way things might have been.
And so many hours trying to bring the good times back again.
And so it goes for lonely hearted fools;
They let their days just slipe away,
Until they give into...

The will of the wind, you feel it and then,
It will pass you blowing steady.
It comes and it goes, and god only knows,
You must keep your sails on ready.
So when it begins, get all that you can;
You must befriend the will of the wind.

And god only knows...

So when it begins, get all that you can;
You must befriend the will of the wind...

Lightning and Thunder...

Are you afraid of getting hit by lightning??? Of course, everyone does! Hahaha...
What about thunder??? Do you like the rumbling clouds above you??? Now, the feeling I feel right now is just like having the two scenario together. Getting struck by lightning and the deafening sound of thunder.

I've been wanting of being on a situation that wholly depends on what decision to make and to where I'll go. I never come to think of getting confused and doubtful about each twist and turns. And really... now I know the feeling of getting pressured... not totally pressured but it is almost there. And how will you make a decision if you will just base it on half lose and half win situation. Should it be right to go for only a win-win plan? Or again, I should take risk on a very cautious one.

My career and my entire life will be affected. My 2009 will get ruined if I make a wrong move. Getting hit by lightning or rumbled thunder, I don't care anymore. The feeling right now is worst. I am expecting so much from myself... and my family also does expect. Plus, the people who are hoping that I'll go with them as they and the company progress are waiting for such decisions to be made... what will I do? I have been wishing to be in such situation yet right now I am very confused and lost. Every time I try to get a chance to think... OMG... I always end up spacing-out. And the result... nothing... nothing but nothing.

I now hope and wish... that I could have a chance to think clearly. Trying to put every details and requirements and standards that I have for getting the offers, the jobs, and lastly closing the deal and signing the contract... I hope that I will come-up of a good decision that I won't regret for the entire span of the contract or even my whole professional career...

All I wanted is the best deal available. And when I say best deal, I mean the best for both my life and career... and also beneficial for my family and friends... Wow!!! Why is it hard to come-up with a good decision???

Please... I need a peace of mind... let me think... I have to...

Or maybe... I will ask for a sign???

PLENTY OF COPIES!!!

Hi guys!!!

Who said that the Philippines is running low on Twilight Saga books??? I think that is also a false rumor... ANOTHER HOAX!!!

I just visited POWERBOOKS GLORIETTA to reserve my own copies of the books... I had the photos of stacked TWILIGHT, NEW MOON, ECLIPSE, and BREAKING DAWN...

I've heard a news that National Bookstore outlets are fully stocked with paperbacks and hard-bounds as well...

What are you waiting for????

GO! GO! GO!

NEVER TOO TIRED!!!

Wow!!! My old,sleepless,tireless, and boring days are now over...

And to feel is to believe... I am really amazed on how my life for this year is going-really good and amazing. Each passing day is such a surprise and and every moment of it is to be treasured. Yet there are times of worthless events but least of these reasons will make the whole meaning of having a great time right now.

Since last week, good news and wonderful things for my career never stops on coming on my way. I am really excited for which path to choose now... and I am very cautious of having wrong decisions. But there is a sort of problem, I really can't manage of pulling my schedule on track and on-time.

After spending months at home and hiding from the world and everything comprises it, I am literally "unaware" of the changes that took place while I'm not around. I cannot predict the traffic jams and forecast the weather, even though there are alerts on the television, before I get unemployed, I used to managed to avoid these things. Now, it adds to the challenge of getting to an interview on time and to present myself nicely.

But never too tired!!! No pain, no gain!!! Hard-earned things for me are treasures and I treat it as an exciting factor to flame-up my life. And for real, I am really happy that my life is on-track and I am looking forward for more wonderful things to come.

I don't like to be selfish of wanting everything for me but that is how I feel it right now... the things I wanted are the things I will have sooner or later...

Anyways, I finished reading 'The Devil Wears Prada". And yes I know what is on your mind right now... why the hell I read such book??? NO!!! You are wrong... I get so many good things about life and career from that book. And it really taught me well on how to be more aware about my career and be more professional on dealing on things connected to it. Even though the story revolves mostly on the feminine-ish aspect, I don't really care if it is like that since it became very useful of preparing myself on embarking my new journey on the professional world.

Days will pass and I am seeing myself working and cooking inside the kitchen again. I hope that I will also see myself working on such a very nice place and to somewhere I really wanted to be. Well... that depends on how will I decide and what company I'll choose... Hehehe I hope there will be plenty of good offers... there is this feeling, I wanted to get really really pressure one day of what decision to make... for I never had a chance to get to that point ever in my life.

Wish me luck guys!!!

HOPES ARE HIGH!!!

Lately, I decided to invest some of my time on reading this particular book entitled "The Devil Wears Prada". Yeah... I know, I am just curious of what a common New Yorker's life is really is but as I go on every page, the story does not really revolves around the life of commoners. Still, I continued reading I am almost read half of the book... and I am getting this idea of New York is worse than a jungle...

Anyways, as the 2009 seems to pass too quickly for it is already the ninth day of the first month, wow, everything I am expecting do really unfolds the way I want it. Last year, maybe around November, I am very down and really hopeless of not having my dream job at Burj Al Arab-and even though it is just a slight chance for that of coming true-I decided to look for local jobs.

And after months of being anxious and having not slept for nights because of the stress of being jobless, 2009 seems to be really positive on me. It is just last Monday that I received a call from Shangri-la Boracay and it did really surprise me for the fact that I never expected them to call me back after months and months of waiting for just a single call for interview. And here I am, very nervous and quite afraid for the interview with their Executive Chef... i hope that I will be convincing and presentable enough for tomorrow's.

Furthermore, good news about 2009 never stops from there. I had several interview invitation for various establishments of notable places and I am really shocked of how my day after day goes by. I am really thankful right now that I am staring to get calls to the companies I applied last year and I am looking forward of getting a very nice offer and a wonderful career as an opening sargo for my very much awaited 2009...

Hopes are high and I am really expecting that "this is really is it!" I know that 2008 with some tragic events and wrong decisions are made, I want to be very cautious of not arriving on the same situations again for this time. And maybe I should be alert for all the warnings and signs so I could avoid mishappenings as early as I could.

Well... let us just say that I wanted to have the very best of life to offer this year. I believed that I've started the year right, so right now... I am on the right track!!!

Wish me the best of luck!!!

Can't Get Enough of My Day!!!

Hahaha... I was so busy early this day and OMG!!! I was too tired I fall asleep as early as 7:00PM and here I am trying to catch up some more sleep since tomorrow will be another busy day..

By the way... hehehe who needs a job and who is interested to work on a fine dinning resto and bar at the fort??? hehehe search the job details on Jobstreet.com.ph and look for "The Establishment"

I wish there will be a friend to apply so I will have a friend who I really know while working...

Wish me luck guys... I am very positive about this and I could feel that sooner or later I will be back at the kitchen and the limelight of Culinary Arts!!!


JOB: CHEF - The Establishmet (The Fort Entertainment Complex)

I Miss The Pevensie Kids!!!

At last, after two long days of reading with intense imagination, I finished the whole series of The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. And it really gave me a good time of exploring the fantasy world with all of its characters especially the Pevensie kids that I truly missed so much...

Ahm... The Magician's Nephew with Digory and Polly gave me the hardest time to imagine for it deals with so much of the beginning of every beginnings of Narnia. I've felt that my mind is going to burst with so much of the imagination I am doing just to make it a perfect tie-in with my reading. And as appreciating that I could be, I finished it with the craving to know the early history of Narnia before Lucy first entered Narnia and how King Frank and Queen Helen reigned and made Narnia the freest place for all creatures. And I got curious by the way Jadis managed to live that long and became powerful enough to cast the Hundred Years of Winter into Narnia if all Narnians and Aslan were aware of her being evil. But I think that would be a mystery for everyone for there are no any other stories about it.

It did not take me so long to prepare on reading the last installment of the series which is The Last Battle. Normally, it always took me two to three days of reading just one book because I have some other scheduled activities, but this time, just because I am so excited to know the ending of all the stories, I started right after I had the last drop of my midnight tea after The Magician's Nephew. And I was not able to keep track of time for I've started imagining while I'm still of the last part of the Magician's Nephew, like an epilouge. When I begun on reading and entered the ninth chapter of the book, it was already 2:00 AM. So I've decided, since it is Sunday, to continue reading until twilight and the first humming of the roosters.

Through the journey with King Tirian, Eustace, and Jill, and with other Narnians, I noticed this insight that this book is really the last of all lasts. For every turn of the page becomes more and more tragic for each character, and there went a moment they fell really hopeless of not having Narnia back from the very witty Ape yet puppet-like dumb under Ginger the cat and a Calormene. But as more pages and events are revealed, hope arises for those who have a strong faith and a brave heart.

On the chapter where Eustace and Jill come back to Narnia to help Tirian and at the same time I remembered that the Pevensie kids were told by Aslan that they couldn't go back to Narnia, I had this boring feeling and became sad that I won't be able to see them anymore. But as soon as the climax of the story arises, there showed my favorite and missed characters of Narnia. And the destructed damned Narnia started to fall apart with its ill-faithed creatures and men. Yet all those who are good were able to enter the real world of the real Narnia and there they've found their long lost love ones and all the people who were there when Aslan started creating Narnia.

So much into that, I know that everyone knew the story so I'll end the story-telling on that part. I am also surprised when Reepicheep welcomed everyone on the golden gates of Narnia, for really I knew from the Voyage of the Dawn Treader that he's safely arrived as Aslan's country for in fact not Aslan's country but the real world of Narnia... hehehe I was so happy of seeing the valiant mouse again... and knowing he'll live forever with all other Narnians he used to live with the old shadowlands Narnia before... and it was a shock for me when the story revealed that all "human" characters of the story, except Susan who were not a friend of Narnia for some intriguing issues which is not clear to me until now, died on a railway accident. But I believed that they won't make any regret of dying on such a manner for they have died for something they long for a long time. And for me, it is so wonderful of escaping the real world if you know that you don't really belong to that world but in fact, belonged to a fantasy one like Narnia...

As a conclusion, it has been a while since I also started journeying through Narnia when I started reading the first book (as per production) and discovered how good a life could be of being in Narnia. But as what everyone know and really it is the truth, Narnia is fictional and only real to CS Lewis' imaginations. But I will still believe that Narnia only belongs to him but belonged to everyone who believes that there is such a place called Narnia...

"As freest of all the places known and unknown...
To boundaries of worlds by worlds...
Dreaming as long as I want...
There will be Narnia..."

- brangien

Cancer Outlook for 2009

Cancer Outlook for 2009
Cancer: 6/22 – 7/22

As we enter the Golden Age of Aquarius, you are ready to receive all the blessings that are there for you, especially in the areas of communications and relationships.

Being understood and getting the responses you desire helps you believe in your ability to succeed and reach your highest potential. Your focus is excellent, and you know what you want. Use this to your advantage when working with others, but don't demand that they see your ideas as visionary -- even if you do. As ideas start flowing freely to you, make sure you articulate your insights clearly.

This year, you will be strongly motivated by transformation, especially in romantic unions. When balanced in your heart and mind, you easily express your emotions and are quick to support others. It is important for you to have a partner who is willing to explore different ways of doing things. You will experience many changes as you learn new ways of expressing yourself.

As you make this shift, avoid putting restrictions on yourself and stopping the flow. You are learning to behave in a new positive way, not worrying about the outcome. This will curb your need to control situations and enable you to take your relationships -- work and personal -- to a higher level of consciousness.


Source: "Yahoo! Horoscopes"

First day of 2009

Ahm.. me... hehehe... I've spent my first few hours of 2009 with, of course, Twilight... Hahaha... after having the midnight meal and celebrating the New Year, wow, I felt so full of the food I ate last night... and as what everyone believes that it is bad to sleep after eating, and as if I will be able to sleep on that condition... I'd decided to watch Twilight after washing up...

Yeah.. it is really addicting, and to tell you more, I am so excited for New Moon to come... hehehe as if November 20, 2009 is just days ahead... hahaha yeah... days and days ahead after several months... well... I have to endure it... and maybe, there will be something to come on my way to distract me to all of this addiction to Twilight Saga... hehehe... reading Ebooks and formulating new recipes and doing the everyday household chores and all my activities everyday including surfing the net, doing my blog, playing on-line game, playing PS2 game, browsing magazines and broadsheets... hahaha add my daily exercise and jogging... my one-hour bath... and my 30 minutes after bath... hehehe I have so much time in the world right now...

Wow... if I have a job right now, hahaha I bet to do all of these things on a daily basis will be impossible... I am really pretty bored at home. The worst thing is, I don't have any of my savings/earnings left to my Girbaud. I just wish that before January of 2009 end, I hope to find a job. Well... all my hopes for this year are high... so don't annoy me of so many dramas and so whatever because I am pretty determined and focused to have a good life this 2009...

Hehehe my New Year's resolution??? Ahm... to tell you frankly, I don't keep any list aside from my monthly shopping list, my Most Anticipated Movies list, my gift list, Gong Yoo's home-coming countdown, new korean movies and series list, American shows list, and my friends list... hehehe and to all of that, I don't think I've mentioned any New Year's resolution...

Yeah... maybe I'm hypocrite of saying so... but I really don't. Put it like this, well, I think, my everyday is always a new life for me or in some cases, it takes a week or more, but I always try to reflect every now and then to what is happening in my life for each passing moment... most of the time, I do reflect when there is silence in me and the surrounding. And for me, it is easier and stress-free of not holding on just a visible list for what to change to your life.

I don't say that there are more to keep than to improve to myself... A big NO!!! From my physical aspects, if there will be a list, OMG, it will be long by then... Hehehe for a person like me who never been contented of everything... a really OMG!!! Hahaha... I don't like to discuss what do I have in my mind for what is ahead for me this year, this just makes me hopeless and afraid of being disappointed... I am the person of "let us see what will happen next." But I firmly appointed two things that will surely be abided soon. First, as I've always wished to have, I want to make this year as happy as I could and I have... but not to be restrained and be occupied of unreal happiness... I'm sure of what I wanted when I say about being happy. And second, this will be really weird... hahaha... and suddenly I fall on thinking again... The words for the next rule disappeared from my mind... What was it again??? Ahm... I nearly forgot... but it is about the meaning of life to as a whole... well... I forgot it already... hehehe... I'll just write another post when the words are in my mind again...

But for now... I am hoping of a better year this 2009.
I wish everyone to have the best year of their lives this year!!!