“I will offer you a warm embrace… to make you feel my love.” –Kelly Clarkson
It is hard to go back this time. Everything I’d missed for a long time will be on a “pause”. But I needed to finish what I’ve started. And again… my life will be on hold for a couple of months.
I hate these feelings… sentimental and weak. Every time I come around and feel either one of it, all of my strengths just melt away or maybe just overwhelmed by these negative feelings. Why am I so like this? I hate it! Why do I have to have my thoughts so scattered for lame reasons or none at all. Sometimes I am just very stupid of making my life really complicated for a worthless thought. I always consider that fate is harsh with me without really seeing how grateful am I of having this kind of life.
I know that there’s a good cause why I am doing such sacrifice right now. I know that there will be wonderful results in the end. But if you are going to ask me how sure am I… I am not. I believe that there will be nothing we wouldn’t do for the sake of our loved ones. And what I am thinking is that I am always doing these sacrifices for them. If I see everyone happy, automatically, I am happy too.
As I go on my sentiments or maybe this is just a flight jitter, I shuffled my play list and found this one good song of my American Idol. I put it on repeat while writing this update. While listening, I started to see myself in the song. And after a few, my tears started to fall.
Yes… I am very sentimental; I knew that fact long ago. I can’t hate me anymore so I loved it now.
To Make You Feel My Love
Kelly Clarkson
When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms of rage are rolling wild and free
Down that highway of regret
The wind of change is blowing wild and free
But you aint seen nothing like me yet
There aint nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the end of the earth for you
Make you happy make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love
When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms of rage are rolling wild and free
Down that highway of regret
The wind of change is blowing wild and free
But you aint seen nothing like me yet
There aint nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the end of the earth for you
Make you happy make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love
I said to myself that I needed to enjoy my life as well. Making a difference on every people’s life maybe my purpose in life but making myself happy is on top of that. I recently discovered that life is short and a friend told me that I should take every opportunity that comes into my life. Enjoy, take the pleasure, and wander around. Life should be happy and light. My dramas and insecurities may give me the award of the Drama Queen of the Year but seriously, why am I so hard to myself? Why can’t I cut myself a slack and break free from all of it? Why can’t just I enjoy and be happy of this life?
Still listening to the song, I realized why I should go back to that place. Last year I got a job but I didn’t enjoy so I quit by the following month. I found myself sulking by the next following months because I can’t get a replacement job for the one I renounced. I said to myself that no matter what kind of company it will be, no matter what kind of people I will be working with, and no matter what it takes… I should prove to myself that by the next opportunity that will come, I should beat all the odds… and I should stay for a year.
Maybe this is that chance. A chance to prove to myself that I can do something, better and worse from all the good and bad things I made with this life. Something worth of the regrets and the laughs. The opportunity to make myself grow and surpass my old self. And to at least make a “real” change and serve my purpose in life.
I need to go back. This is what I should do. This is what I consider the right track. Maybe I missed a lot of things when I took this vacation… of course I will miss so many things and that would be a normal reaction. I’ve set my priorities long ago and I just needed to fix something… that is to put my own happiness on the list.
I am back on track… so congratulate me. ^_^
