Choices and Options

Life is a matter of choosing the right options.

And ending with this kind of options takes a lot of time and thinking before you decided that it is final and irrevocable.

It's August already and nothing so special happened. And I could feel that I am wearing down and my skills are getting rusty. I felt so sure about this, I am wasting my time. All these chances I had for this year were long gone because I cannot set a proper decision on what way to take-on. I always trust my first judgement so I end up choosing a wrong path.

What should I do if I'm caught up in the sack? Should I struggle to get out or shall I stay and wait for help?

As everyone is saying... it should be my choice. And I wanted to make one now.

I won't gonna waste anymore time here and will have a clean exit. I'll just finish the contract and I'll just give them the bargain that they want.

Why should I be afraid of what will happen when I go back home? I've been like this several times and I always see myself standing up after falling down so hard. I just realized this and I laughed after getting the logic out of it. The fear holds me back so many times for so long, around 6 months, and I haven't noticed that it makes me a coward of myself and turning me into someone different. Now, I wake up from the dream and I will face the truth no matter what.

I want to make this final this time. I will go back to Manila again. And will try to find a better oppurtunity for me. I know it is so hard to find a new job right now but I don't want to stress myself anymore because I am not happy with the situation here.

One of the most important thing for me is happiness and it will go on like that forever. It is my life and it should be my decision. I want to make my happiness as a part of my first priority. And frankly speaking I am not getting better here, in fact, I am getting worse. If I'm not learning or any good change or improvement hasn't happened to me, my defense mechanism will tell me to bounce out as soon as possible. But it is so improper to disappear without notice, it is unfair for them if I leave the way I wanted to.

Since I submitted my letter last month and I am still doing my part of the bargain, maybe it wouldn't matter to them anymore if I leave or stay longer. There are always so many dramas when I decided to leave and the funny thing is, they always psyche me to stay with them. And the funnier part is, I always get psyched by them. Hahaha.

So... let us all see. Twenty-two days more. If change and improvement will be on its way here... they should already be half-way. Because time is running out for them... they might not be able to hold me back a little longer. ^_^