Salvo 2010

Like what my 2009 predictions has told me and the rest of the world, well, it has been a pretty crazy year for everyone. So many changes and so many tragedies happened this year that everyone including my very self came to their own sort of “realization”… that happiness depends on how you mean it to be.

What I just have wanted for the ending year 2009 was to have a wonderful time having fun… and so I did. At the start of this year, I spent a life-changing rendezvous in the island of Boracay. Partying every night and going-out, surely I did enjoy it. I then accepted myself for who I really am. Knowing what I wanted in my life apart from the things I wanted to do for fun made me more outgoing and free. I still can’t believe until now that taking-out all of my inhibitions and refraining from hiding what was the real me will make it easy for me to be happier and open-minded. As far as happiness is concerned, I am happy for what happened to me this 2009… not regretting the things that I’ve done. ^_^

And I even thought of this year was the BIG 2009… so it did! My enthusiasm brought me to different places and so as many achievements. Coming face-to-face with some notable icons of the world and having the chance to serve them a good plate will be considered as one of my golden memories being a Chef. Being able to share myself, and actually gave myself to a place will be unforgettable too. Working on such kind of establishment was one in a million--my first on giving everything and then nothing will happen. I want to take it in a good perspective that my latest stint was a big mark on my career but I always see myself disappointed not to what I’ve done but to whom I did it for. But well, I don’t want to carry it on by the next year… Yet, all in all, it has been an exciting ride for my Culinary Faire!!!

2009 was a true roller coaster ride--a thriller for a lifetime. I definitely will not forget all of the relationships I had this year. Filled with so many ups and downs then sprinkled with a lot of dramas and excuses, what I wanted until the end of this year will be the same… more hook-ups with those steamy nights with what I consider someone “hot”. I just realized one thing after all of these… that there’s nothing wrong playing around and collecting all of the cards that you could then try to pick your favorite out of your choices. Unluckily, I am not able to choose the right person for me. I still consider it a long shot for me.

I am really shocked about my interpersonal skills this 2009, a record-breaker. I haven’t thought it that I could earn so many friends within a year. And I am really happy about it. Finding new ties with strangers is a hard task. But unluckily and sadly to say, I believe that you cannot add more water on a spilling cup… so therefore, I will run-through my list of who I consider my friends from the people who just became an “acquaintance”. I know you love me!!! ^_^

As of my achievements personally and professionally, what I consider the biggest step I made for this year 2009 was making myself as someone who will support my family. I had a hard time deciding what to do with this issue but it wasn’t that hard actually, it depends on how I accepted the fact that I should still sacrifice for the sake of my family. Anyways, I get my own share… I could have fun the way I wanted it without getting scolded or being grounded. And it is really a fulfilling success that I made and support such decisions for my parents and of course with my siblings. It was just so immature of me deciding to take a December vacation not knowing after I leave my latest job, the lives of who depends on me will still go on… and I did not expected it—which I am sorry about. And now I believe that great powers means a lot of responsibilities. But I contemplate, “I am not Superman nor Spiderman.”

All swell that ends well. This year will be remembered forever. I always have problems with dates and numbers but surely 2009 won’t be missed-out. Good things will be carry-on by next year… definitely bad vibes will be left out buried in the past. What happened this year will stay behind and I won’t allow any force that will bring it with me this 2010. But I will miss a lot of things from 2009.

“I will be better.” This has been my life-long goal. Reaching every dream I have and plans that I wanted, there are just some things that holds me back from doing everything that will make my life as if it was the end. “Work hard and party harder!” That will be my motto for 2010. New Year’s resolution will come at handy just in case I will need a list of things I should do and not do. Changing myself will be debated first until I decided to do it. For me, looks are just superficial, what is important is how you are inside.  My plan is to have a healthier lifestyle for me and for my family. Personally and maybe if I will check my list of “to do”, this will be on top, I wanted ever since to put my love life on private--to myself alone, which is obviously not happening and will not happen ever… but I will still try to keep things between me and that person. I am planning for such a simple life so I could focus on some other important needs in life… but I think it’ll just be a big disappointment again… I am weak so why keep myself stressed, why not go SHOPPING??? But seriously, I will try not to spend on something less valuable and not so important… promise! ^_^ 


I had a lot of things going on now… and I am craving for more happenings by next year. If 2009 seems to be something BIG… then 2010 will be GIGANTIC. I wasn’t able to live my life to the fullest at 2009, I wish I will at 2010.

We will be entering another milestone… another year will be added to our ages… and what you think should be done but to move on from what has been your old life at 2009. Great things are just out there waiting to be found. If you can’t find a miracle… I will make one for you.

Enjoy and have more fun!!!

Happy New Year to everyone!!!

Salvo 2010!!! ^_^

           

Miracles Do Happen ^_^

Yes, miracles are just out there... waiting for us to believe that they really do happen. ^_^ And I am so happy that at last there was one sent to me that will really change my life... for the best. My life seems to be needing a lot of silence and peace of mind. Derailed and battered, crazy and ever-changing... that's how I could describe what my life is all about right now. I've been asking why am I always entering this door of fate for several times already... is it me the problem or I just wanted to grow and I just wished for a better life??? Feeling that there will be a dark cloud for tomorrow, not only for me but also to my family, I really get anxiety attacks every night keeping me from a good night sleep that I deserve. I always caught myself thinking of how to give my family a better life that they should be enjoying but I always ran-out of options and see myself helpless about it. And the last thing that I could do is to ask for help... to HIM... and then I get enlightened and been heard of... Thanks for listening and for a wonderful gift on its way to me... I won't sit around waiting for days just to unfold in front of me... I won't keep myself complacent that I am receiving or waiting for anything, I will think of other options that I might have but never been thought about. And of course, I wanted to be sure of my future, I won't just play and have fun... I will look for more choices to think about... Going oversees is my priority right now but what if fate played around me again like just what happened last year for Burj Al Arab right??? This time, I want to be secured... be safe... I won't think that I have no more choice but to get the first offer that will arrive, I will weigh things pretty clear and unbiased... I don't want to just jump over and get hurt when I landed to a uneven platform. I am dealing about my future, as well as my family's tomorrow... I am the only person right now that they are counting on. I can have my mistakes but I need to avoid doing it nowadays... My life right now is really pressuring... but I am fighting. I am strong, I know I can do it. Storms of life will come but they will surely go away too... I want to see my life and our life, as a family, that after a rain... there's a rainbow to enjoy to see.

Thank you for the wonderful gift... I will expect for it for sure. ^_^

Loveless... Crisis Core

LOVELESS
(Final Fantasy Crisis Core)

Prologue
When the war of the beasts brings about the world’s end
The goddess descends from the sky
Wings of light and dark spread afar
She guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting

Act I
Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess
We seek it thus, and take it to the sky
Ripples form on the water’s surface
The wandering soul knows no rest.

Act II
There is no hate, only joy
For you are beloved by the goddess
Hero of the dawn, Healer of worlds

Dreams of the morrow hath the shattered soul
Pride is lost
Wings stripped away, the end is nigh

Act III
My friend, do you fly away now?
To a world that abhors you and I?
All that awaits you is a somber morrow
No matter where the winds may blow

My friend, your desire
Is the bringer of life, the gift of the goddess

Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return.

Act IV
My friend, the fates are cruel
There are no dreams, no honor remains
The arrow has left the bow of the goddess

My soul, corrupted by vengeance
Hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey
In my own salvation
And your eternal slumber.

Legend shall speak
Of sacrifice at world’s end
The wind sails over the water’s surface
Quietly, but surely.

Act V
Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return
To become the dew that quenches the land
To spare the sands, the seas, the skies
I offer thee this silent sacrifice.

Finding out What My Future Says...

I opened my Friendster account just to check-out my horoscope for today and it's kind of suggesting not to do anything for this day, and definitely just for now, my priorities are a little bit hard to figure out... Well... it really bugs me off... it has been a week already since I'm having this weird "quarter-life crisis-ish" feeling again... But damn... I'm loosing focus and the will to go on this unlucky life...

Work. Fine. I'm getting paranoid and having my hidden/secret trust issue with someone from the restaurant and it really makes me loose my focus and urge of working further, farther, and more for them. I am not good at lying and, for the fact that I could read people's mind, makes it harder for me to handle dishonesty. Sometimes I just wanted to freak-out, shout whatever I am reading from them/him, and do something that is very not me. But it's not so me causing any scene from something pathetic. I can't get enough professional advise from my professional friends because everyone seems to be very busy I don't know why, but for now I am considering myself getting a little paranoid until I get to talk to someone with a clearer mind than mine and grasp whatever they have to say. Yet. As always, I wanted security. I am planning to move-out again. Start somewhere else. And re-create my professional world. I'm rushing on too much things now not thinking it is not so proportional to my age... I am only 21 and young but I am doing responsibilities of a 30 years old manager. Well, looking it positively, it is very nice but come to think of it, people will have a hard time absorbing the truth that I am on that position. Sometimes, I find them confused saying "He's only 21??? And he looks younger for his age and his job title!"

Friends. OKAY!!! I know everyone including myself is very busy with their own personal lives. But why do you think Friday and Saturday night gimmicks are made for??? Come on guys, give yourself a break!!! If money is the only restraint for having a wonderful bonding time with the BERKS, well, don't worry I'll be going to figure out a way or something. Let us not stop having good times with each other just because we are out of our last cents to spend. Let us not waste our youth working like crazy or studying on and on, time for our youth is running out. And don't give me the reason you are busy anymore. Studying or working professionally is not an excuse. I am a bit busier than anyone within the group but I am always be the one to put myself on doing invites for everyone to reply. But oh my God, no one is replying I don't know why. Is it just because I transferred to another network??? Berks please... I miss everyone...

Family. This got to be long. Great. We'll I felt somewhat nagged... but what is the irony of it, I am treated as a Prince at home. But I can't spell out this feeling. Right now, I am working my ass out too hard, that I get sick every two weeks time, not for me but for them, my family. I know it is a very good thing to do and it is one of my responsibilities now. The things is, I'm a little stressed out now... and tired. I've been doing a hard life and sacrificing too much for this family even before and I am forgetting the fact that I have my own life too and soon, or maybe one day, I am really going on my own way. Just me. My savings are getting emptied for the bills and some other stuff but I planned to use it to buy myself my own place. I craved on too much things but I doubt on having those things because I am somewhat obliged to allocate the whole portion of my earnings for them.Oh crap, I feel I am a bad guy... Maybe this is just a thing called "stress". Damn it, I am so young to be stressed out with these ridiculous problems. I've been dealing with these ever since I was a child but for God sake... until now, I am having arguments of having unlucky life... well... technically, unlucky financial life. I'm giving myself two more months to recover and establish again a firm lifestyle, just like before. Let us see what's going to happen...

Personal.Ultimate. Just going to make it short. I hate the dating scene!!! I am not a PRO but definitely I am not a newbie here. I really hate having this casual dating... I wanted to "exclusively" date someone rather than flirting with everyone I met and liked. I'm getting confused and one night I came to an idea to stop doing this funny thing and be single for a year. Well, it is not a very big issue to me being single, to relax, and to enjoy singleness for a year... But it is always been my priority for me to be loved... because I loved to be in-loved and be cherished and be taken care of someone who loves me. Okay. I want to make it easy and stress-free since it is the only outlet in my life that doesn't require materialism, just being myself. And I think I'll just wait what's going to happen... I also hate prejudices.

Oh well, I think it is going to be a long road to take starting from today. But it is always like that, full of twist and turns and ups and downs. What I am thankful for is that I am always able to manage it right... even for sometimes that it is too late. And I think I just need a little more inspiration to have a determination to go on. I can't give up now and I am not planning to.

A Better Stake!!!

Status??? Still single and very available. Life and Love, to me and on my perspective, keeps on going unbalanced.

I've been formally single since the day I was back from Boracay. And I thought that love will be back on its rightful track when I come back home. For which I knew it wasn't. It grew worse than I expected it and nothing happened that seems to be good for me. It became unhealthy for me to keep the relationship, and even love itself, so I decided to take it out from my system before it become serious and change my life again. I don't afford to be that person again... and I am not planning to be one again.

What can I do??? Move on, of course... there's no other way for me. So here I am now... enjoying the single status as always. Well... it's been a roller coaster ride every time I fell in love but all of it were all good experiences not considering some changed me a lot. Now... better to be single than not to be happy in a relationship... and I am not planning to look for a replacement as soon as possible... I am taking a break from it all... but I am planning to take on new things... to experience a different kind of lifestyle... Well... I am really bored with my life right now and I think it is time to try on new challenges and craziness life has to offer me.

Enjoying my free time... more with myself and alone. But I am always asking the Berks to meet up and catch up with the things we were missing to each other. I am really grateful of having this set of friends. Even though I am not so open with them emotionally, at least I am giving hint on my status and what state of consciousness I am right now. And here is one person I wanted to be my best friend... but lately I realized that I cannot make someone my bff if that person doesn't appreciate my efforts. Well... I can only say that... there are still other people who are far more interesting to be my bff and it is not yet the end of the world so I have so much time to look for one to be. If you don't like then might as well say it so I'm not wasting my damnest time sending you messages and trying to catch up things with us. If you aren't capable of being a bff... let's be enemies forever of our fucking lives!!! Hehehe... peace bro!!!

A dream keeps on bugging me for almost a month now... Well... it is addicting because it is Twilight Saga related... Why does Edward Cullen keeps on showing on my dreams??? I hoped it to be Bella Swan but why Edward... I'm getting confused!!! After writhing in pain and getting bed-ridden for days, I thought I was on my conversion to be a vampire. But for I knew that I only had influenza, I am really hooked with this "vampire" thing. Can't explain why I wanted to be one... maybe I am also afraid to get old... I want to stay twenty-one forever.Hehehe... well... maybe I definitely be missing the whole novel already... November 20 is still too far and waiting won't do any good... but I can't spell out myself these days. Why do I keep updated on these US series of dramas and shows... just like when I am hooked on Korean series last year and the other years... now, it is the dawn of US films and shows... great!!! I am really hard to spell-out!!! I am liking the Americans little by little. Crazy right???!!!

It is as simple as, "I wanted to be happier with this life of mine." Period. Having a better stake on my life means a greater risk taking but I am sure I'll get over things on no time. I am not focused in some sense but professionaly I am taking the right path. In other aspects of life, I am desoluted, but I am on the process of making things better. It is just like reorganizing my bedroom... I wreck havoc on it first before I go on fixing things for the better...

More plans and new dreams to strive on. Future for me seems to be very blurry because I always tend to change my mind... more subjective sometimes and then more objective the other day... you really cannot tell and spell me out unless you focus to know me well... Even myself... damn... I have so many plans!!!

Assets...

"Can't wait for another five years for my future to unfold. This is it, the break I am waiting for... my chance to be over the top!!!"

For all the waiting... interviews and meetings... for all the hopes and prayers by everyone, I am now starting to really create a professional person inside myself. And to tell you the truth... it is some kind of surprising to me each day that comes. A little bit awkward and confusing at first because it would be my first time to handle an establishment with all of myself to depend on. Just the owners to be my guide... this is going to be my make or break!!!

The first few days at work were just the normal scene from all the previous jobs I had. Food tasting... Menu conceptualization and proposals... Marketing strategies... and still... so much responsibilities to take in charge of. I am really getting a lot and learning so much from this job. I am having fun though I am getting sick so easily due to our "ever-unpredictable" weather and all the stress and hazards my job includes. But as far as my happiness and career will be considered, I am really making a huge mark on my own history.

By the way, I am now the Head Chef of Muruve Wine Cellar and Bistro in Ortigas Home Depot. And I am excited to tell everyone that we at Muruve are changing our menu to better serve our patrons. Aside from the menu renovations, there will be weekly special menu for the coming months.The plans really make me feel thrilled and challenged everyday. I am on full-boosters on creating new Spansih dishes-tapas and main courses to focus on.

Professionaly speaking, I can say now that there is learning and progress that is happening on my career. But what I am just sad about is that I really cannot balance-out my life in the perfectly weighed idea I have in my mind. I wanted to live a life like those of the professionals I see on newspapers and television shows. Not the glamour and the shine of a star but the stability and security, and maybe power and control. Not so much wealth and prestige but just only recognition and enough assets to tell myself and show everyone that I am reaching a higher stake for my life.

But there are a lot of "enough and right" time for every plans and wants that I have right now. I just turned twenty-one and I am still very young. I don't want to rush up anymore to everything so I won't regret of making nuissance mistakes. And for the time being, I'll just focus on making myself on my chosen professional world to be one who is setting trends. With that, I will make Muruve to be the best destination for Spanish cuisine.

My greatest asset right now is myself!!!

Scared of my dreams...

Twenty-One and Young


It was my birthday yesterday,
it passed so quickly.
It was a special day,
everyone celebrated.
It was a good day,
I felt so happy that day.
But the night before the day,
I came to see myself on my dreams...
walking as an old man.
I don't like to picture it out,
the person is weak and slow.
I don't want to think of it,
I am getting scared by just thinking.
But what if it is true,
Time flies so quickly... can I avoid it???
It was my birthday the other day,
And I was one year older after.
Don't like to see the breaking dawn alone...
Neither watch a full moon on just a pair of eyes...
Breathing air lifelessly is too much...
Running on the hills will be fun...
I just can't keep it aside, I'm getting curios.
What will be there in my future???
Will there be someone else or just me alone???
Will there be an old man,
Whose skin sags and dry???
Will there be just one man,
Loveless and alone???
Will there be me,
Forever walking without you???
I just celebrated my birthday the other...
I am now twenty-one.
Forever of never ending is still so far,
but I got older the other day...
But hey...
Why am I so anxious of it...
I am happy...
I am twenty-one and young...
Still young!!!