I opened my Friendster account just to check-out my horoscope for today and it's kind of suggesting not to do anything for this day, and definitely just for now, my priorities are a little bit hard to figure out... Well... it really bugs me off... it has been a week already since I'm having this weird "quarter-life crisis-ish" feeling again... But damn... I'm loosing focus and the will to go on this unlucky life...
Work. Fine. I'm getting paranoid and having my hidden/secret trust issue with someone from the restaurant and it really makes me loose my focus and urge of working further, farther, and more for them. I am not good at lying and, for the fact that I could read people's mind, makes it harder for me to handle dishonesty. Sometimes I just wanted to freak-out, shout whatever I am reading from them/him, and do something that is very not me. But it's not so me causing any scene from something pathetic. I can't get enough professional advise from my professional friends because everyone seems to be very busy I don't know why, but for now I am considering myself getting a little paranoid until I get to talk to someone with a clearer mind than mine and grasp whatever they have to say. Yet. As always, I wanted security. I am planning to move-out again. Start somewhere else. And re-create my professional world. I'm rushing on too much things now not thinking it is not so proportional to my age... I am only 21 and young but I am doing responsibilities of a 30 years old manager. Well, looking it positively, it is very nice but come to think of it, people will have a hard time absorbing the truth that I am on that position. Sometimes, I find them confused saying "He's only 21??? And he looks younger for his age and his job title!"
Friends. OKAY!!! I know everyone including myself is very busy with their own personal lives. But why do you think Friday and Saturday night gimmicks are made for??? Come on guys, give yourself a break!!! If money is the only restraint for having a wonderful bonding time with the BERKS, well, don't worry I'll be going to figure out a way or something. Let us not stop having good times with each other just because we are out of our last cents to spend. Let us not waste our youth working like crazy or studying on and on, time for our youth is running out. And don't give me the reason you are busy anymore. Studying or working professionally is not an excuse. I am a bit busier than anyone within the group but I am always be the one to put myself on doing invites for everyone to reply. But oh my God, no one is replying I don't know why. Is it just because I transferred to another network??? Berks please... I miss everyone...
Family. This got to be long. Great. We'll I felt somewhat nagged... but what is the irony of it, I am treated as a Prince at home. But I can't spell out this feeling. Right now, I am working my ass out too hard, that I get sick every two weeks time, not for me but for them, my family. I know it is a very good thing to do and it is one of my responsibilities now. The things is, I'm a little stressed out now... and tired. I've been doing a hard life and sacrificing too much for this family even before and I am forgetting the fact that I have my own life too and soon, or maybe one day, I am really going on my own way. Just me. My savings are getting emptied for the bills and some other stuff but I planned to use it to buy myself my own place. I craved on too much things but I doubt on having those things because I am somewhat obliged to allocate the whole portion of my earnings for them.Oh crap, I feel I am a bad guy... Maybe this is just a thing called "stress". Damn it, I am so young to be stressed out with these ridiculous problems. I've been dealing with these ever since I was a child but for God sake... until now, I am having arguments of having unlucky life... well... technically, unlucky financial life. I'm giving myself two more months to recover and establish again a firm lifestyle, just like before. Let us see what's going to happen...
Personal.Ultimate. Just going to make it short. I hate the dating scene!!! I am not a PRO but definitely I am not a newbie here. I really hate having this casual dating... I wanted to "exclusively" date someone rather than flirting with everyone I met and liked. I'm getting confused and one night I came to an idea to stop doing this funny thing and be single for a year. Well, it is not a very big issue to me being single, to relax, and to enjoy singleness for a year... But it is always been my priority for me to be loved... because I loved to be in-loved and be cherished and be taken care of someone who loves me. Okay. I want to make it easy and stress-free since it is the only outlet in my life that doesn't require materialism, just being myself. And I think I'll just wait what's going to happen... I also hate prejudices.
Oh well, I think it is going to be a long road to take starting from today. But it is always like that, full of twist and turns and ups and downs. What I am thankful for is that I am always able to manage it right... even for sometimes that it is too late. And I think I just need a little more inspiration to have a determination to go on. I can't give up now and I am not planning to.
Yes, miracles are just out there... waiting for us to believe that they really do happen. ^_^ And I am so happy that at last there was one sent to me that will really change my life... for the best. My life seems to be needing a lot of silence and peace of mind. Derailed and battered, crazy and ever-changing... that's how I could describe what my life is all about right now. I've been asking why am I always entering this door of fate for several times already... is it me the problem or I just wanted to grow and I just wished for a better life??? Feeling that there will be a dark cloud for tomorrow, not only for me but also to my family, I really get anxiety attacks every night keeping me from a good night sleep that I deserve. I always caught myself thinking of how to give my family a better life that they should be enjoying but I always ran-out of options and see myself helpless about it. And the last thing that I could do is to ask for help... to HIM... and then I get enlightened and been heard of... Thanks for listening and for a wonderful gift on its way to me... I won't sit around waiting for days just to unfold in front of me... I won't keep myself complacent that I am receiving or waiting for anything, I will think of other options that I might have but never been thought about. And of course, I wanted to be sure of my future, I won't just play and have fun... I will look for more choices to think about... Going oversees is my priority right now but what if fate played around me again like just what happened last year for Burj Al Arab right??? This time, I want to be secured... be safe... I won't think that I have no more choice but to get the first offer that will arrive, I will weigh things pretty clear and unbiased... I don't want to just jump over and get hurt when I landed to a uneven platform. I am dealing about my future, as well as my family's tomorrow... I am the only person right now that they are counting on. I can have my mistakes but I need to avoid doing it nowadays... My life right now is really pressuring... but I am fighting. I am strong, I know I can do it. Storms of life will come but they will surely go away too... I want to see my life and our life, as a family, that after a rain... there's a rainbow to enjoy to see.
